Archive for April, 2010
Led astray
The city authorities in Bucharest are planning to kill some of the 100,000 stray dogs that roam the streets. There was a stray dog in my garden. It was probably not very stray, more likely temporarily mislaid by someone walking along the footpath in the field behind. But from my point of view it had […]
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Gay wagon
Someone was asking about my car. It is possibly one of the most ugly vehicles on the road. And with 84 bhp it is certainly one of the slowest. On Sunday a double decker bus left me standing at the traffic lights. Apparently it is also a cult. I won’t be driving it in the […]
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Paper wait
Every day a different political leaflet drops through the letter box. There is not much difference between them, apart from the colour scheme. It is hard for a busy person to keep up with politics. Therefore I have read all the leaflets on your behalf and created this simple game to help you choose how […]
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At last
As I was driving home the BBC said on the radio that there will be two last nights of the proms this year. Sorry? Two last nights? What a brilliant idea. The viewing figures will be doubled. There will be twice as much fun and enjoyment. Twice as many happy customers. There is a lot […]
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All good things
One aeroplane flew high overhead just after lunch today. Very high, just a speck uncoiling twin cables of vapour across the blue. They must have been doing the vacuuming. A few hours later the government announced that the skies would be reopening. Soon it will be impossible to look up from the garden without seeing […]
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Return trip
“Doesn’t the house seem so much fuller when all the children are at home?” Said Mrs R. “Except the fridge.” It has been a busy weekend. I’m quite tired. Mrs R and I need a holiday. I suspect that it may be the perfect time for a self-drive holiday starting in Calais. Thousands of stranded […]
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Hi ho silver lining
Well I didn’t see it coming… It’s hard not to feel that the Norse gods are having a laugh. The ash cloud has brought welcome relief from incessant election news. We are promised glorious sunsets very shortly and the sky is wonderfully clear of aircraft vapour trails so the views will be spectacular. The only […]
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Any fool…
Aries It’s party time. You may receive a gift. Remember to show your gratitude. Be careful to observe the rules or you may get an unpleasant surprise, perhaps a parking ticket or fine for dog fouling. Taurus Someone owes you money. They may pay it back. Or they may abscond abroad. You will be cross […]
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Fishy
“You could learn something interesting through an email, text message or conversation with a friend or neighbour…” I felt that my horoscope today had covered all the bases. One way or another Russell Grant would be right. All day I opened every email with eager anticipation, followed by inevitable disappointment. At lunchtime my hopes were […]
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Handle, bah!
The sun shone. I drove down the lanes in my old car with the window open. I contemplated how wise I was to drive an old car without electric windows. Nothing can go wrong with the windows when they open and close with a handle that you can turn. The road straightened, I accelerated to […]
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Young punk
“Thank you young man,” said the train conductor as he checked my ticket. Young man? He was probably younger than me. For a long time I felt it was a disadvantage to look young for my age. I can still remember the humiliation of not being served in a pub at the age of 21 […]
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Always on
It’s not as if I spend an unreasonable amount of time on the computer in my study. So it was a bit unnecessary for Mrs R to send me an email from the lounge last night telling me it was late and she was going to bed. She could have sent an instant message or […]
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Egged on
I’m not bragging, but I just want to record that I managed to find the largest number of small chocolate eggs. The annual Easter egg hunt in grandma’s garden is for the children really, but they are as big as me now, so it would be unsporting to hold back. By lunchtime I was feeling […]
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Drain woman
St Martin’s Lane, London. 7.40am 1st April. I’ve just observed an elegant lady in stilleto heels do the umbrella man’s trick. She barely walked one pace barefoot before she noticed. It took some force from a man in a high-visibility jacket to extract the shoe from the grating. This sort of thing must happen a […]
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