Manual intervention


On Monday Gordon Brown said everyone would have a new smart electricity meter by 2014.

On Wednesday a man in a van arrived to install our new super clever meter.

On Thursday we spent all day switching off applicances and marvelling at the technology that allowed the little screen in the kitchen to show just how much money we were paying to the energy company each minute of the day. And marvelling at the fact that the energy company boss could now read our meter from his secret mountain lair where he sat in a leather armchair stroking a fluffy white cat and planning world domination.

…On Friday a man arrived to read our electricity meter.

“But it’s gone.” I said. “The meter has been replaced by a magic device which can be read remotely by anyone with wi-fi and a desire to stalk me.  We have become part of the matrix. You are no longer an essential part of the meter-reading process.”

“Oh,” he said and looked a little sad. “I still need to see the meter though.”

I led him through the labyrinth into the garage where the pale grey little box with a soft glowing screen was mounted on the wall in the big empty space recently vacated by a bulky, dusty analogue device with dials and cogs.

He looked even sadder. “That’s only the third one of these I’ve seen,” he confessed. “They haven’t told us what to do with them yet. I don’t know how it’s all going to work. It’s a safety thing you see…we have to look at the meter to make sure it is safe.”

Then his eyes lit up. He noticed a small piece of card tucked behind the corner of the wretched plastic box that was going to make him redundant. It was a folded postcard, a farewell note from the analogue age with our very last old-style meter reading written scruffily in pencil.

He typed the numbers into his old-fashioned hand-held recording device. Tucked the card back behind the new meter and went happily away.

6 Responses to “Manual intervention”

  1. 1 Becky Stafford

    No advent calender? tut tut.

    The joys of being parent free is having to give a certain company meter readings but when they don’t actually phone to ask for it they just cancel your contract without checking!!

    I like the sound of magic devices.

  2. Becky – the advent calendar is there today as always… There is a link on the right of the page under the mysterious heading Blogroll.

  3. 3 Mrs R

    Please make postings shorter or get rid of the snow. This laptop can’t snow and scroll at the same time. (Or get me a surprise new laptop for Christmas! Or two even…)

  4. 4 Becky Stafford

    Aww now the snow is gone, Mr R re-instate the snow and perhaps get your good lady that surprise new laptop 😉

    Ah yes I’ve just had a snoop at the blogroll!

  5. 6 Becky Stafford

    Hahah good man!

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