Corn fed


The half term holiday (what? already?) is a good time for family activities and treats. Like going to the cinema.

As I queued to get the tickets I said to my daughter, “please can you get some popcorn? Get a bag for yourself and a larger bag for Mum and I to share.”

She staggered back carrying a large bag and a separate monster bushel sack of my favourite polystyrene snack food.

“Well you said get a large one for you and Mum to share.”

We took our seats. I heaved the sack into my lap and offered it to Mrs R.

“You know I don’t like popcorn very much,” she said and took three or four pieces.

I shrugged and began to eat as the adverts rolled… It occurred to me that the Pearl and Dean theme tune would make a very good ringtone. I could even hear it above my munching.

By the time the film started I was feeling quite thirsty. The popcorn sack was still almost full. I unloaded a few handfuls into the now-empty bag that my daughter was holding.

The misfortunes of Messrs Bunce, Boggis and Bean unfolded on the screen. I kept eating and sharing the odd grain with Mrs R.

As the final credits rolled I peered into the popcorn mine… It was still half full. My mouth felt swollen and my teeth coated in fur. My belly bulged like Mr Bunce’s.

We emerged into the foyer. I carefully folded the top of the sack and slung it over my shoulder to carry the remainder home for tea… not sure if I would ever want to eat again.

6 Responses to “Corn fed”

  1. 1 Henry

    Alex – I’ve had the P&D theme as my ringtone for a number of years. Pity I can’t pop down the corridor and bluetooth it to you.

    King Regards


  2. 4 Sarah

    You’re a more generous parent than I am!

    My kids get nothing from the cinema concession stand. Instead I smuggle in Fruitshoots and sweets bought at the supermarket at much lower prices!

    • 5 alexoutside

      Sarah – the thing is, I can’t really get popcorn for myself unless I allow others their own share. Although I could probably fob them off with fruit pastilles and smuggle in a chocolate orange for myself if I was organised… Perhaps next time.

  3. 6 Becky Stafford

    My Mum always used to do the same Sarah when my siblings and I were younger. Tis the way forward!

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